Angel Vacation 
Taken In
Virginia Beach
September 15, 2007

 

 

 

I would like to thank Kathie Raley for the wonderful job she did and the beautiful graphics she made our son Cole for his Birthday.. Kathie you are truly a great friend and a wonderful person.. 

 

 

A GRIEVING MOTHER'S WISH LIST

I wish you would not be afraid to speak Cole's name. He lived and was important,
and I need to hear his name,
and I need to share memories of him.

If I cry and get emotional when we talk about Cole, I wish you knew that it isn't because
you hurt me: the fact that he died causes my tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.

I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn't think that if I have a good cry my grief is all over.

Being bereaved is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't stay away from me.

I wish you knew all the "crazy" grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, fear, hopelessness, short term memory loss, and questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following a death.

I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over
in 6 months or even a year. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for me.
 As with alcoholics, I will never be "cured" or 
a "formerly bereaved", but forevermore be 
recovering from my bereavement.

I wish you wouldn't expect my family's grief to be over in 6 months or even a year. The first year will be full of firsts without Cole , who was a loving member of our family. They too may cry and have emotional outbursts. There is no right or wrong way to grieve or any specific length of time to grieve the tragic loss of a beloved family member.

I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight, lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a host of illnesses and be accident prone, all of which are related to my grief. 

Cole's birthday, the anniversary of his 
death 
and the holidays can be terrible times for my 
family and me. I wish you could tell us that you 
are thinking of us and Cole on these days. And if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we 
are thinking about Our Big Guy and don't try 
to coerce us into being cheerful.

I wish you would understand that I have to
 hurt before I can heal.

I wish you wouldn't tell me you understand how 
I feel, because unless you have lost a child, 
you couldn't possibly understand my pain.

I wish you understood that grief changes people. 
I am not the same person I was before my beloved Cole died and I will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to "get back 
to my old self" you will stay frustrated. I am a 
new creature trying to redefine myself with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and beliefs. Please try to get to know this different me -- 
I'm the one who'll be here from now on.

I wish you knew how much the loving support 
I receive from my family and special friends 
means to me. I don't think I would have made 
it this far without them.

--Author to Original Poem Unknown --